Is This Thing On?

Excuse me for being absent for so long; it seems I was distracted by a short, chubby taquito.

As you can imagine, I have been a busy busy busy girl. Between working, family, friends, volunteering, hosting charity events and cooking the occasional 5 star meal in lingerie a girl needs to take a break!

Truth be told I was (also) very involved in a very intense relationship with a very many Broadway-style neon warning signs and mammoth sized red flags that I chose to ignore in the name of fun or commitment or a plain old gosh darn it I can make this work attitude. Of course that only lasts for so long and I finally erupted with the (very serious mind you) issues that bothered me. It is not a healthy thing to hold that stuff inside. Holding things inside tends to cause, eventually, an opposite reaction; eruption. And when this occurs what needs to be said doesn’t come out the way you would say it if you were to have, let’s just say, a civilized conversation, but more in the manner of verbal projectile pea soup vomit. After that I was forced to consider why I chose to ignore certain things and why for the love of all things fabulous was I trying SO hard to make something work when, clearly, it wasn’t going to and it was better off not working and blah blah de blah di blah blah. In the end I was hurt … badly ... because I (yes it’s true, even I) could not stop a lazy person from being lazy, solve a substance abuse problem or inspire someone to be more selfless of spirit. Well I suppose we all have our limitations. *grumble*

So now that that’s done, let’s get on to the good stuff and I’ll tell you about the men (and I, occasionally, use the term loosely) I’ve met recently …

Preppy

So I signed up on an online dating site. I figured at the very least it would be interesting and truthfully I don't see myself getting over my "I am making this face so that you don't approach me and waste both our time" attitude when I am out. I found a cute, recent picture, answered the questions as honestly as possible, hit submit and I was done.

Within an hour my inbox was full with messages from would-be suitors. Okay, I thought, I've never been here before. The cool thing about meeting online is that you have their basic information right in front of you so if you see something that you don't like(e.g. I'm a professional goat herder, I live with my mother), you don't have to wait until the third date to find out...you simply hit delete. Why isn't everything this simple?

One of my online boys has actually made it to the 3rd date...pretty impressive. I call him Preppy. On our first date we met at a bar. He was clearly nervous but unwound after a short while. Second was dinner where the food was great, the conversation flowed and there were lots of laughs.

For our date the other night, he said he would like to cook dinner for me at his apartment. I was a little hesitant to go, I have to admit, but he had been nothing but sweet so far. So I put 911 on speed dial, tucked a sharp object into my handbag and headed over to his place.

The dinner was great. He was polite and funny mentioning that he did not cook very often but wanted to do something a little special. He also opened a bottle of wine that is one of my favorites. When I mentioned that it was a favorite, he said I had already told him and that's why he picked it up. We sat and ate and talked and drank and laughed and when it was over he walked me to my cab and said goodnight. He even followed up with a phone call to make sure I got home safely.

Of all of the things Preppy did right, the most important was letting me know that he has every intention of pursuing me. He single handedly restored my faith in a generation of men who have been taught to play aloof...to be a little too cool for school. Now I don't want someone falling all over me BUT I am worth pursuing and if a man wants to see me then he will show me that he thinks so too.

...and for all of the men online that continue to send me messages saying, "I am intrigued. Feel free to contact me." Please stop. You're making my skin itch.

Last night I went out with Grocery Boy and you know what? I had fun. He did mostly the right things; he picked me up, he arrived 10 minutes early and we went to have sushi. So far so good.

We were so enjoying the conversation that we barely noticed the waitress getting annoyed as she wondered if we were going to order anything at all. It was shaping up to be a very nice evening when I, of course, had to go and say something wildly amusing. He laughed an open mouthed laugh and there, there on the upper right side of his mouth just passed his two front teeth was something darker…possibly rotten? Yes it was a gross, discolored, possibly rotten tooth.

eeewww…

…and everything was going so well.

I decided I shouldn’t let that ruin the evening. I was still having fun, he was engaging and asked me interesting questions and I actually found myself trying. So I put it out of mind and tried not to be quite so funny. He was sweet and smart and kind of goofy, in a good way, and the conversation flowed until he drove me home. I kissed him on his (left) cheek and he said he would like to see me again. I agreed to a second date and went to bed wondering if I could ever kiss someone with that kind of foulness growing from their gums…

I decided quite sometime ago that bars and clubs are just not the pick up venue for me. It's not that I don't like to go out, I would just rather spend the evening at these types of places with friends. There's something about loud music, low lighting and alcohol that cause men to start using that long, lingering look that is supposed to warm me up for them to strike up a conversation and buy me drink but typicaly inspires the feeling of wanting to run home and take a shower.

So, where does one go to meet eligable singles? Apparently your local grocery store is one of the hottest spots in town. I thought it was weird too until I met two different boys in a two week span.

The first boy had a bumbling approach at best. I was staring at greens trying to decide if I should go with mint or parsley when I heard someone ask if I lived here.

What?! Who? Me? You mean here...in the grocery store? No, I don’t.

I picked up my basket and headed straight for Frozen Foods where I didn’t need a thing.

Alright, alright. I suppose it caught me off guard but seriously, I didn’t even notice him standing there. So it was my first time being approached in the grocery store but I still think there needs to be some kind of eye contact protocol or something here so we don’t have an outbreak of freaked-out girls peeping around corners in their grocery stores trying to get back to the section of the store that contains the things they actually need to buy so they can go home!

The second time went much better. This boy had a much smoother approach, also I was no longer a timid grocery store virgin. I was in Dairy getting my favorite organic milk from Horizon. He waited for me to finish in the case and then he said while grabbing a Horizon container for himself, “This is the only kind of milk I drink.” Okay so it’s not like he compared me to the sun or anything but as it turns out this is the only kind of milk I drink so we found common ground.

As we chatted I ran through the check list; nice face (check), clean cut (check), well spoken (check), no Cheez Whiz or Lucky Charms in the basket (check). Then I did something I don’t normally do; I assessed myself. Did I put makeup on? Did I even brush my hair? Did I just come from the gym, am I sweating? Do my clothes match? …and please oh please tell me there are no frozen Hungry Man dinners in my basket!

…whew, we’re okay.

I don’t want to give the impression that I am constantly running to the grocery store in sweaty, mismatched clothing to pick up a stack of frozen Hungry Man dinners; it’s just that I never thought about what I looked like when running to the grocery store before. Well all of that is changing. Now before I ever step through the automatic doors I do a quick once over. Not primp, but neat because ladies, you never know who’s looking…and if that isn’t reason enough to stay away from the Hungry Man dinners, well, then I just can’t help you.

Intro...

I'm finally here.

After countless introductions, a myriad of restaurants, a show, a few concerts, numerous phone calls, several first kisses and too many awkward moments to count, I am still standing. It turns out that being single in the city with an active social life can be downright exhausting; not that I would trade it for the world.

I haven't been single for too long, let's say since the beginning of 2009. After two long standing relationships spanning about 7 years (combined) I think I’ve learned a lot about who I am, what I want or more importantly what I DON’T want and let’s not forget what I simply won’t stand for. If that sounds a bit persnickety, well I suppose it is. But why shouldn’t I be picky? I’ve got it going on; intelligent, attractive, funny, fabulous sense of style…